Her name was Sophia. Her friends called her Sophie, or, sometimes Sofa, when making fun.
She was sitting on her patio, smoking a cigarette, and waiting. The man she had met online was supposed to pick her up for a first date five minutes ago. Although he had already texted, warning he would be late, she thought he was full of shit. Yet, because she was a fool, she waited.
This wasn’t her first, first date, and, honestly, it probably wouldn’t be her last. Since her husband – late husband, she corrected herself – died, she had been on several first dates. She rarely went on second dates.
Why was the word so full of disappointing men?
Unlike most nights though, she didn’t have much to do, so a warm night spent smoking on the patio watching her neighbors’ cars drive by wasn’t the worst way to waste her life.
When she tried to lie to herself, she said she just needed someone to fuck, but deep down the thought of dying alone haunted her more than she would admit. She had kept herself so busy working that she didn’t even know her husband was dying until he was. In her nightmares, she met him at the gates of hell with his parched lips condemning, “You let me die alone.”
She lit another cigarette.
Besides, while she was getting dressed, back when she thought this asshole was actually going to show up, she had sipped on a glass of whiskey to clam her nerves and make her smile more genuine. That seemed unnecessary now, but it left her unwilling to go inside and do something productive.
How many nights would she spend waiting on this patio, smoking a cigarette, half-drunk? How many times would she hold out hope for something that she had long called a dream gone dead?
She was what she wanted to be. Sure, she could be healthier, a little skinnier, more prone to smoke, less awkward in times of trouble, and more committed to personal life than her job, but she was passionate, goddamnit.
And she didn’t want to be alone.
But she wasn’t willing to compromise. Not this time.
She accepted the ridiculousness of the conclusion, squashed the last of her bud, and sauntered inside.