I had been at the job sixty days when she died. Things had not been going well, but I had a contract and I had my other half in the school, who could take my complaints as well as I took hers.
It was five days before Halloween.
We were going to be Wonder Women together.
Her mom later said she was nervous dressing like Wonder Woman, because I was slimmer than her.
By homeroom, her classroom was still empty. After first hour, I normally would have lesson planned, byt the principal asked me to cover her class.
Is she okay?
Yes, just running late.
I see the lie in his eyes even now.
Third hour. I'm interrupted at the beginning by a stranger. She'll cover my class while I go to the library.
Why?
They need to speak with you.
Just me?
All the teachers.
I sit in the library, one of the first.
Another teacher enters, tears streaming down the face of the football coach.
And I know then. I know she's gone.
The superintendent says words. The principal says more words. All I can feel the rage and horror inside me growing and growing until I can't be inside my own body anymore. I sob to release the pain but it's only siphoning a pain that is quickly replaced and soon I can feel nothing, nothing but the storm of ache. I fear it will tear me apart.
She was my only confidante. I lock myself in the bathroom and call my in-laws.
My friend has been killed. Please keep the children tonight.
They offer sympanthys. I know I can barely be understood through my grief.
I call my husband. Please come get me. She is dead. A car accident. This morning. Please come get me, I don't think I can drive home. How could this happen?
I don't know how we will get the car back home. It doesn't matter. Maybe later? I just need to go home now.... just.... never mind.
And I drive myself home. I stop on the side of the highway during the thirty minute drive to sob, feeling her death is not yet real, but knowing his abandonment when I needed him most was.